Hi guys, Caroline here, and definitely an alcoholic.

When I first thought I had a problem, I thought it was just life, even though my whole family is riddled with alcoholism. I wouldn't see it, and when I finally realized it was more than just life, I couldn't quit. I went into treatment, and was glad to find out about the disease. I learned all about the genes, chromosomes, and neurotransmitters. Getting sober -- that's easy -- well, maybe not easy in the normal sense. I used to wake up shaking like a leaf among the Four Horsemen -- terror, frustration, bewilderment and despair. I've done it so many times. Staying sober, for me -- well, another story. You see, though I have the facts, I'm still so typical in thinking there is an easier softer way. But I've learned that no matter how strong, no matter the will, no matter the knowledge of the disease, I cannot handl it myself. And to drink is not an option. And it is baffling, because when I'm not drinking, I have no desire, but somehow, sometimes, the irrationable is rationalized for the first drink. I think I have finally learned that it is because the program, as written/suggested in 1939, is still the program that works today and my spiritual condition results from working the Steps. It isn't something you "get," but "become." So I thank HIM for keeping me near these rooms, and for the love and support of you all -- face-to-face as well as online -- because online, you are here 24/7 -- and I need that! I hope the newcomers realize how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is and that it will try to get them later, so keep coming back.

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