Hi everybody, I'm Mike, alcoholic.

I used to think that going to AA would be insane, because I could control my drinking anytime I wanted. The problem was, I never really wanted to. But when I did, things became extremely insane for me. I could not stop. All those years of lying to myself and saying I could handle it were now catching up to me. I found myself pouring alcohol into my body, when my mind was screaming not to. This scared me. I was not myself. I was truly feeling insanity -- an 'out of mind' experience, as it were. My drinking had taken me to bad places before, but I could always rationalize the situation, whatever it was. This time, however, there was nothing to rationalize. I was clearly out of control and out of my mind. It really scared me to think I may not come back from that. A power greater than myself (seven of them) whisked me off to detox, where the reality of my insanity sank in for the first time, and acceptance began to appear on the horizon. I found peace in the rooms of AA. I knew to go there, since I had seen others lives change because of their involvement. I found serenity there. True serenity. A haven from the insanity I thought I might never escape. I have not left the program since that time. Thoughts of going back to that insane way of life are frightening even now. I'm glad for that. I now know that my insanity was not recognizing that I was insane -- truly insane. I now know that acceptance was the opening of the door to my coming back from the insanity. My release from the bondage of self. I found in AA more than I ever realized. That there is a peace I had been seeking all along, and I could have it if I just worked for it. For me, AA is the easier, softer way. Everything else I tried was truly insane. Thanks for being here and letting me share.

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